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Sweet Cream In Our Mouths: A Cap'n Crunch Milkshake Review By: Josh Adachi & PoisonRamune, the Apathetic Lizardman Josh's Account - Admit it, somedays you're hot and you know it. I knew it. So did the girl with the uni-brow behind the counter at the Carl's Junior. I asked her a question about the menu that she didn't know the answer to, earning her respect. I ordered a famous star with cheese and a Cap'n Crunch milkshake. "I'm going to try it," I told her with a sly smile, charming her like a kitten with string. I gave her enough bills to cover the tab, but i gestured towards my pocket, and she could tell that I wanted to check my change. Oh yeah, we were vibing. I found 37 cents in my front pocket and paid in exact change. I sat down in front of a TV playing an NBA game. I love the NBA. The girl behind the counter brought me my shake before my burger was done so I could drink it "While [I] wait[ed]". The Hornets were kicking the ass out of the Jazz. and HOLY NINJA NUTS, there were crunchies in my shake! You know that feeling that you got eating Cap'n Crunch back in the day... How you would crush a waterlogged, but still crispy piece of Cap'n Crunch in between your tongue and the top of your mouth? Now take away the feeling that you're macking on shurikens, and you're close to imagining what this milkshake tastes like. Add cold creamy vanilla goodness, and a huge dollop of whipped cream and there it is. You're experiencing corporate sanctioned nostalgia. The Carl's Junior cashier, who in another life I loved, brought my burger straight to me seconds later demonstrating to me, her boundless love. I drove home, intermittently sucking on my temporary addiction, crushing pebbles of breakfasty goodness between any adjacent surfaces of my mouth that i could find. By the end of the shake, that's all I was looking for, to crush the Cap'n's secret recipe all over the different surfaces of my oral cavity until the inside of my mouth resembled wet confetti. Rather than allow me the sadistic gratification, however, Carl's Junior provides a generous helping of Whipped Cream, as a sort of pacifier to the melee. Not being a fan of whipped cream, a younger Josh Adachi may have felt unsatisfied by this lack of tactile overkill. Adult Josh Adachi, however, is given a beer by his roommate, watches the Lakers on his own TV, is too lazy to eat cereal in the morning, and is "over it". And thus the Cap'n Crunch hand-scooped shake at Carl's Junior became a mere figment of my own imagination, providing a brief glimpse of what makes Cap'n Crunch so appealing, while guarding me from the consequences of my actions. It is breakfast cereal pornography. Still, I have to give this milkshake an 8 out of 10, because I like milkshakes, I really like crispies in milkshakes, and I like giant posters of the Cap'n smiling at me while I'm in the drive-thru lane. I'm just crazy like that.
Rob's Account - As I made a b-line through the Atlantic Square parking lot to the Carl's Jr. drive thru, I felt somewhat foolish for just coming to order a Cap'n Crunch milkshake and nothing more. However, in my mind I felt it would be more than a novelty drink, it would be something epic like a limited edition Mt. Dew drink. The ones that are amazing in flavor and presentation (ala Game Fuel and that Baja one from Taco Bell) making you wish and even petition that they stay on the market permanently. Unfortunately, I was to be very disappointed. I proudly drove away in my work van holding the confectionery drink like it were the Olympic torch. Though, after taking my first sip while making my right turn I was unpleasantly surprised. The overall initial taste was of whipped, mass produced ice cream and milk. It had that bizarre metallic taste that's almost biting but sweet. This was truly something that was very nasty, yet still intriguing to my tastebuds enough that I didn't throw it onto Floral Ave. as I drove back to work. The good thing was that it did have ample amounts of Cap'n Crunch and they were pummeled enough so they didn't feel like you were going to chip a tooth on one. Despite the fact that they were ground up, they still had that nice mouthfeel you'd expect from Cap'n Crunch (and if you morons laugh at the word mouthfeel, read a guide on rating beer). The dollop of whipped cream could have been done without and perhaps a handful of Cap'n Crunch bits or crunch berries shards could have been added on top instead. Even though it wasn't a great milkshake and in no way worth the $3.45 I paid; it was exactly what I would expect from a Cap'n Crunch milkshake. It was basically an ice cold, overly sweetened bowl of cereal. In the drink's defense I have to say, that it was much like a girl that's so ugly she's cute. I caught myself looking twice at it, as 2 days later I bought another one (I told myself it was for research... But I really was rationalizing). I guess you could say Carl's Jr.'s milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, despite their mediocre taste and presentation. If you want to try something new that's based on stuff you already know (ice cream and Cap'n Crunch), then go for it. It tastes exactly like Cap'n Crunch in ice cream and that could be a bad or good thing. But if you hate highly sugary things or are on a budget that doesn't warrant $3.50 for a novelty ice cream treat, then you really shouldn't have been reading this in the first place (I mean, you really shouldn't look into trying one of these). Final Verdict:
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