Top 10 Videogames to Play with Your Girlfriend

Josh Adachi's List

10. Super Mario Bros. 2 or Super Mario Bros.- The Lost Levels
system: Famicom, Super Nintendo (Super Mario All-Stars), Wii Virtual Console

Now, I've never tested this game out on a girl, but I'm using it in my list to set a precedent. We must not condescend to our better halves if we wish to build a long-term gaming relationship with them. A misconception that many girls have is that video games are easy, and/or for kids. Give her a couple minutes on this monster to remind her just how challenging a basic video game can be. She'll probably already know how to play the game, since it has the same mechanics as the SMB games she snuck in as a little girl. She'll be drawn in by the familiar gameplay, and aggravated by the sheer difficulty. Something tells me, that she'll do better than you expect, only to commit a simple mistake and scream. This is gaming pleasure at its finest. Because of the difficulty level she'll be doubly impressed if you can do well at all at this game. Then, when she realizes how much time and energy you've been spending on a pointless video game, you can remind her that due to the increased automation of our society, your talents are completely useless and video games allow you to pacify your primitive need to perform feats of skill. She'll be so impressed with your answer that she will smile inwardly as she continues to scold you.

9. Soul Caliber Series
system: Like all of them

I know in my last entry I said we shouldn't condescend to girls, but let's be fair and point out that everybody needs a button masher sometimes. If you're someone who has invested a significant amount of time to this game, this entry is not for you. However, if you are one of the teeming masses (myself included) who is as surprised by your character's dazzling combos as your enemy is, this game will provide you lovebirds with a few minutes of solid fun. You and your girlfriend will have a blast piling up 7 hit combos while playfully nudging each other on your sofa-futon. Now just your being male, means you will probably have had a bit more experience with this genre if not this title, so you will probably beat her too much to be any fun for either of you. Just choose someone you suck with, one of those big slow guys, and let her choose one of the cute chicks who's combo chains seem based on the sheer sincerity with which the buttons are mashed.

Bonus tip: show her how to choose between the alternate costumes. If knowing what type of lingerie choices she might enjoy if she were to ever learn the katana isn't saucy enough for you, watch her reaction when you accidentally choose Voldo. If she likes him, congratulations, she will make your fantasies come true... Sicko.

8. Tetris
system: too many to list.

Somehow I feel like choosing Tetris is almost cheating. Like... It's not really a video game. It's more of a mathematic idea that plays itself out on a video screen. Perhaps that is why this is one video game that girls actually like way more than guys do. I've had this conversation countless times:

girl: I don't like video games.
me: What about Tetris.
girl: Oh my god, I love Tetris.

Don't ask me what it is. I have my theories on the matter, the first one being that it has something to do with their love of organizing things. I have another theory that the way the blocks fall into place subjugates their need to fill the emotional gaps in their lives that they are so acutely aware of. Whatever the case, somebody needs to do a study that measures a woman's changes in breathing and heart rate as she slides the red brick in for a tetris. Only then will we know the truth.

7. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
system: Sega Genesis, Wii Virtual Console

The CIA has banned the interrogation technique in which they force suspected terrorists to play as the second player in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Sega Genesis. Playing as Tails is the video game equivalent of being crucified. You spend most of the time trying desperately to keep your sprite on the screen while Sonic dashes and bounces impossibly fast through the level. Furthermore, the fact that Tails is invincible takes away any "game" aspect of being Player 2. When you are commanded to take out the boss by standing in the lava, you start to feel sort of used. Trying to synchronize your movements during the bonus rounds can be a powerful bonding experience, but those stages are few and far between. Sonic 2's second controller is what you force on your kid brother before he learns to spell, and even HE gets bored. However, I encourage you to convince your girlfriend to play as Tails for ulterior reasons. If she patiently sits through the game with you, guess what, she loves you and just wanted to spend time with you. Break up with her immediately, or better yet, quit collecting those gold rings and go find a diamond one, buddy. It's over for you (congratulations).

6. Wii Sports- bowling
system: Wii

Nintendo is brilliant sometimes. With Wii Sports they really have put bowling in your living room, or at least a cute facsimile of it. The skill curve is not as high, sure, there are no greasy bowling balls and the smell of shoe disenfectant is oddly absent, but everything else is there. At least, almost everything that girls like about bowling is there. The time between turns, and the act of standing up to bowl make you feel that you're at a social event more than actually playing a video game. Make your girl a cocktail, you can't do that at the bowling alley. Bowl barefoot. Cop a feel. Eat a steak. Whatever you can do at home, you can do in the Wii bowling alley. The game is simple enough to improve at that both of you will have fun challenging yourselves even if your skill levels are vastly disparate. Plus, winning at this game gives a person real-life props. It's not that you memorized any complicated series of buttons to win. The winner was actually better at flicking their wrist just so (What that implies I won't go into).

Bonus Tip: design your Miis together. Your Mii will basically be a cuter, edited version of you, based on her internal image of you. Thus, every time your digital doppelganger appears on screen it will reinforce all the things she likes about you in real life. In this case, Nintendo is not only a great video game company, they are a good wing man- they are making you look good.

5. Puzzle Bobble or Bust a Move
system: Neo Geo, Playstation

As with Tetris, this is one of those videogames that your girlfriend will inexplicably like more than you do. Cuddle up in front of this machine and feel yourself disappear from her peripheral vision as she stares lovingly at the screen. Now, if you are any sort of gamer, you are probably pretty good at this game, and have wasted more time on this game then she ever will, despite the intense excitement she feels over it. So, let's just play down a little, shall we? Give her a good fight, and try not to blow her out of the water if you can help it. Let her win a round, the look on her face will be a greater reward then beating her ever will be. Besides, you don't really want to be known as the master of Puzzle Bobble in your relationship do you? If so, you probably have never been in a relationship (or you are Rob Whang). People will condescendingly pat you on the back for the rest of your life. Congratulations.

4. Super Mario Bros. 3
system: NES, Super NES (Super Mario All-Stars), Wii Virtual Console

Now you're working as a team! Once again the simple, tight mechanics of this gameplay will appeal to someone who doesn't believe that video games should require 2 hours to assimilate a new control scheme. She has probably played this game with some success in her childhood, so it will have a nostalgic quality for her, causing a bundle of synapses to fire off for the first time since she memorized the lyrics to Ice Ice Baby. Oddly enough, every time I've played this game with a girl she has shown me some secret that I didn't know about, much to both of our surprise. This game is great because it really feels like you are on an adventure together, as jingoistic as that may sound.

Bonus tip: let her be Mario. Luigi has the underdog appeal, and if you're throwing the smackdown on her, it won't feel as oppressive.

3. Wii Play
system: Wii

As an introduction to the Wii controls, this was a great game. None of the games went very deep, except perhaps Tanks, and after playing it we either marveled or were disappointed by the Wii's control potential. For our purposes though, these neat little games act as something of a county fair, as you and your date wander around different booths looking for a cheap thrill. Shooting, Fishing, Ping Pong and Laser Hockey are all fun ways to pass the time. Probably due to the Wii control's physicality, these games conversely seem require a bit of skill, yet are breezy and laid-back. Two games on this set will undoubtedly put you both at absolute ground floor when it comes to the skill set required to play them, which is a great thing to spice up your virtual date. Find a Mii recalls the Where's Waldo series of books, as you locate specific Mii's in a given time-frame. I can't think of any prior game that would have prepared a gamer for this (I doubt that even the NES Where's Waldo game itself would prepare anybody for this game). Match a Mii is one of those games that feels like it was made for girls, even though there's nothing specifically feminine about it besides the color scheme. It's a game where you match the pose and position of your Mii to outlines that drop towards the ground. I suppose it's ostensibly a shooting game, yet maybe due to the fact that nothing is exploding, and that there is no kill-all bullet, and you need to twist your gun at the right angle (okay so it's almost nothing like a shooting game), it is something that you definitely need to get used to. It's the kind of game where it wouldn't be at all surprising if she surpassed you- you may just want to leave your pride at the door, my friend.

2. Kororinpa- Marble Mania
system: Wii

With so many Wii games up here it only makes sense that the game with the very best Wii controls would occupy such a high slot. Kororinpa takes literally under a minute to pick up, but it's harder levels will have you ripping out your teeth. The controls are so intuitive that my mom called me one day to ask me how to start it. That's right, getting through the menu screens (which aren't bad at all) are more confusing to her than the actual gameplay and THAT'S RIGHT my Mom wanted to play it. Just watching my sister and mother go at it on this game was worth the price of my Wii. As for you, young stallion, the best thing about this game is that, not only is it fun for girls of all ages, you can both simultaneously play the same level at different difficulties. Assuming you have already played this game a few times, you can choose a ball like flash ball which will increase your difficulty many-fold, especially on the later levels, while she can stick to one of the easier balls to keep up. I must admit that I'm a bit biased towards this game as I would much rather play this game than say, Tetris, but it seems to me to be a challenge that is so completely physical that it transcends video games, and almost becomes a human game.

1. Dance Dance Revolution
system: Arcade, PS, PSII

Without a doubt, girls are better dancers than us. There is, at least, some anecdotal evidence to explain this phenomenon. While we were learning to shoryuken on our SNES controllers, they were dressing up and dancing to TLC in their full length mirrors. They of course, had a purpose. They knew that someday they would be at a high school dance, and would have to look cool in front of everybody that matters to them. We just wanted to hurt our friends' egos and/or keep them from jump-kicking our faces. Little did either of us know that their body gyrations and our button bashing would one day be pitted against each other in a no-holds barred battle of the sexes. Enter DDR. The concept of this game is deceptively simple: push the buttons with your feet when you are told to. The great thing, though, is it requires full body coordination to do so. Will you look like an idiot trying this thing out? YES. Will you fail miserably? YES. Will she be charmed by your willingness to deface yourself for the sake of fun? DING. Who knows, maybe you two will get really good and become some sort of local arcade super couple: switching controllers mid song, incorporating blown kisses and hi-fives into your choreography... Actually... actually, please don't do that. Anyways, in case you're truly not convinced that this belongs on top, consider the following equation:

dance dance = bounce bounce

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