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Forbidden Kingdom.... A Movie Review By: PoisonRamune, the Apathetic Lizardman Cliché is a word in my vernacular that I throw around quite freely. However, when I say that this movie was cliché, I mean it. The film started with a combination of a dream sequence and a movie within a movie reveal which was a dreadful foreshadowing of how predictable and formulated the plot was going to be. The storyline was agonizing, even for a martial arts film. The overlying story was about a bullied boy from Boston who ends up teleporting into a fantasy version of ancient China only to: complete a quest, “find himself” (in a non-gay way) and return to his home in modern day Boston. In a way, the story could be called the love child of The Karate Kid and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (the one where the turtles goto feudal Japan). Though, predictable and cliché the writers did make points and jabs at those who obsess over martial arts film. As in the beginning of the second act when the lead actor was learning kung-fu, he began to make banter with Jackie Chan's character about various styles of martial arts he had seen in video games and movies. Jackie's character's disregarding reaction to such “nonsense” was a poignant point about people who think they know the combat arts through film and other popular media. This in itself was somewhat self attacking, as the story progressed into the lead learning enough martial arts within the time of a montage to be able to defend himself against armies of the antagonist's troops.
As shown in the trailers, the lead didn't travel alone with Jackie Chan, he also had a couple of wushu-savvy misfits helping him along the way. These 2 allies were very cookie cutter examples of characters that were commonly found in martial arts cinema. However, aside from the stock orphan girl who was bent on revenge against “the evil warlord.” The wise, yet playful monk was played by none other than Jet Li. This in itself was worthy of my $10.50 alone, as Jet Li and Jackie Chan have been two of the biggest key players in modern martial arts film for decades. Despite their fame and time working in the Asian film industry, this was the first film in which both stars acted together.
Many of the lines in the film were incredibly unfunny, despite the audience reaction. In one scene Jet Li's character tells the lead actor that the kung-fu horse stance is “only good for taking a dump.” Honestly, had this line been said by an action star without an Asian accent, it wouldn't have been remotely funny. Another complaint about the script was the fact that all the people in “Fantasyland China” (except for the white lead) spoke fluent Chinese and English with no explanation. As with other kung-fu movies, this movie's draw wasn't in the plot. The action scenes were excellent and near flawless. The choreography in all the fights was brilliant and very technical, even the pseudo cartoonesque scenes of Sun Wukong (played by a heavily made up Jet Li) flying around were testaments of the mastery that the stunt team possessed. The main sale of the this film was a 7 minute fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li. While it was the only fight scene between the two actors, it almost redeemed the movie of its shoddy story. After watching that scene I felt that my money and time wasn't wasted by sitting in a crowded threatre at 9:30 pm (just my dignity). The film was very well made, one could tell that there was meticulous design in the costuming and set layouts. Each characters' costumes not only fit their personalities, but also accentuated their fighting styles. The only thing that was somewhat out of place was the eye liner worn by all the soldiers of the evil army. I found it somewhat distracting, as it made the supposedly ominous main antagonist look gaily feminine.
This movie was overall very bittersweet in my eyes. If I were to be so bold, I'd describe it as “having really bad sex with a hot girl.” I found it better that we were given a movie with both Jackie Chan and Jet Li in it, albeit with an awkward storyline; rather than never seeing the two together in any film. I guess the main flaw of this film was that the production staff was trying to appease too broad of an audience. From the diplomatic ending of the Jackie Chan and Jet Li fight to the “teen movie” style of the frame story, this movie reeked of trying to please “everyone.” I seriously want to watch this movie again. However, I would come in late and leave early, as the story of the lead actor in his native Boston felt forced and made me cringe inside. Actually, I see myself waiting for the DVD, so I have the option of skipping past the “bullshit” parts. Speaking about sex with hot girls. There was another part of this movie that made it worth a view for us gentlemen. The main antagonist's bounty hunter is played by the beautiful Bingbing Li. She had the most amazing Asian girl eyes I ever seen. I'm tempted to pick up a couple of the other flicks she's been in, as she had some kinda creepy hair and make up in Forbidden Kingdom (but then again, maybe that's what made her so hot).
Final Verdict:
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