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We’re All Nerds By: PoisonRamune, the Apathetic Lizardman It’s kind of funny, I was watching TV the other day and a recently made sitcom was still portraying nerds with the Steve Urkel/Revenge of the Nerd archetype. While the stereotype is still identifiable; I do find it a bit dated, as the only people who dress and act as such are now considered insane rather than geeky. I can see why broadcasters would feel the need to use 20 year old stereotypes, since defining the contemporary stereotypical nerd is rather hard to do. I believe the difficulty in finding such a definition is due to the fact that we are nerds. You may not believe it now, but it’s true. We’re all nerds. I honestly think that regardless of our: class, intelligence level, or own personal perception of how cool we are; we all have some sort of hobby or “obsession” that most other people don’t really care about as much (or even at all in some cases). While you might not be into video games (then again, why in the Hell would you be reading the articles here?), comics or academics; there’s more than likely something else you’re currently into. If you still think you’re exempt from being a labeled nerd or that you don’t have any obsessive fixations, stop lying to yourself and check out some these handy examples (don’t forget to tell us we were right).
Video Game Nerds: I’d like to start this one off with a given, as tech and classic nerdism has often gone hand in hand. These are typically the folks you see at your local game or electronics store at least a few times per month (though I don’t know how you’d see them there unless you were a VG Nerd as well. I guess, you can be like that nice Arabic girl that sees me going to Gamestop from some other location). While all VG nerds live to play games, there are many distinct types of VG nerds. Along with the stereotypical video game nerds, there’s been a recent boom of “trendy” VG nerds. Trendy VG nerds are normally gamers who play more twitch/reaction based video games. They’re normally the college aged guys that claim to not play video games, but fail to realize the raging boners they get over Halo and the Madden series. Within either breed, VG nerds will often do other nerdesque things that are somewhat related to their favorite genre of video games, for example: they can be like Steve and his love for tactical shooters which carried over into an interest in real gun ownership.
Sports Nerds: They know the players, stats and score. They also consider themselves an integral part of the game, even though they’re just spectators. Often referred to a “superfans” from the long running Saturday Night Live skits, they’re really just nerds obsessed with sports. While simply liking sports and watching the games doesn’t necessarily make one a sports nerd, it’s more to the extent of which sports nerds take their love for the game. I have friends that can barely remember their parents’ birthdays, but can tell you every significant play Ichiro has made since playing in the US (including date and circumstances). I also know of some folks that feel as if they’re the “auxiliary” member or good luck charm of their favorite sports team, they often say things like “The Lakers lost tonight because I didn’t wear my Kobe shirt.” They’re also the people that call into sports talk radio and give their “professional” analytical opinions/debriefing of a game in some of the worst English imaginable.
Drug Nerds: He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood. He's the one that makes you feel all right. Drug nerds are one of the strangest nerd examples we have listed here, mostly because the drug nerd is a sort of walking contradiction. On one hand they do have enough general knowledge of the human mind and body to be a doctor in some Ugandan village, but on the other hand their knowledge is mostly used for taking illicit substances that most of the general population will never seek out or use. Drug nerds are different from common addicts on the street in that they’re more like drug connoisseurs; they pretty much have the same line distinction as between a wino and a wine expert. Not only do drug nerds have an extensive knowledge of various drugs’ affects; they also know about pricing, quality/purity checks, and even to some extent production methods. Drug nerds also differ from addicts in that they’re fairly generous with their dope. While the run of the mill addict hides his stash away in order to ensure he has a high for later, the drug nerd is almost proud of his stash and almost feels bad for those who have been getting lesser dope.
Gym Nerds: Gym nerds are very similar to drug nerds, but at the same time they’re almost the polar opposite of them. Gym nerds are the people that take working out to a whole new level. Though it’s good to get some movement in and exercise regularly, gym nerds make physical training an analytical science. Much like the drug nerd, they have an excellent grasp on the workings of the human body. However, they use their knowledge in a more constructive way. Gym nerds are the types that know what food you should be eating and when, in order to optimize their workout and achieve max results. These are folks who have all the knowledge to be a personal trainer, but for whatever reason never got their accreditation. Often times you find them in the gym giving unsolicited advice or giving a far off look of disgust and mild shock towards the guy who decided on doing leg presses right after doing butterflies.
Music Nerds: Of all the nerds listed here, music nerds might not have it so bad. This is mostly due to the fact that their fixation normally results in them developing a readily marketable skill. In high school it was very easy to spot a music nerd; they were almost always the kid that would bring their guitar to school for no reason. They may or may not have been in the school band or in the choir, since music nerds were kind of like wannabe rockstars and never cared too much for structure anyhow. As adults they’re a bit harder to spot. While many may think that the closest examples of adult music nerds would be popstars, I really think it’s quite the opposite. Adult music nerds are the people that do more experimental pieces, they try to step away from the norm and take a more avant-garde approach to their work (in a not K-Fed way). Most of the time you’ll find them playing at some smaller local venue that’s big on supporting indie talent and rarely do you see them at bigger shows (at least, in So Cal. I have seen some really obscure groups playing bigger venues back east, though).
Movie Nerds: While movie nerds share a quite a few similarities to sports nerds; they also have a very different nature, as movie nerds are into the fictional worlds and events that are illustrated on the big screen. In some cases movie nerds actually keep track of 2 sets of things: the fictional movie works and the non-fictional lives of a film’s cast and crew. They go above and beyond merely being a fan of movies and adding popular movie quotes to their daily vernacular. They’re more like movie analysts; tearing apart plotlines and comparing the similarities to other movies, finding unintentionally intentional connections between movies based on the cast and crew, etc. A commonly used phrase by them is “You haven’t seen that movie? But everyone has!” making you feel like a pariah because you never found interest in watching Pulp Fiction. They’re also infamous for mentioning a relatively obscure up and coming actor, using equally obscure movie titles to try to get you to recognize the actor (this normally results in them repeating the actors name several times in an annoyed tone, as if saying the name in a loud manner is going to cause you to suddenly know who they are). While we may not be Poindexteresque know it alls or even like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds; but as you can see, we all have some sort of weird obsession with something that sort of alienates us from the general populace.
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