Counterpunch: Breaking Down Breaking News

By: PoisonRamune, the Apathetic Lizardman

I recently came across an interesting article while trying to kill some idle time at work. Normally, when I find interesting articles I'll either talk about them amongst my circle of friends via instant messaging or word of mouth. However, this particular article infuriated me to the point of action. It irked me to also know that the author was a man, demonizing his fellow male in many instances. The article I refer to was one written as a featured story in the yahoo.com video games section (reference to the article is here... And in screenshot form in case the url changes suddenly. But remember to come back, since I have quite a bit to say on it). The title read as follows: “Seven Ways to Win Back Your Gaming Spouse - Are games ruining your relationship? Fight back with these seven tips.” As a gamer you can naturally see why I was so upset, yet upon further reading of this article you'd find that it was written more as a Dear Abbie-esque article into how a woman can tap her man into submission through deceit.

What follows is my point by point counter commentary to the drivel written in the above mentioned article. The sections in bold italics are direct quotes from the said piece (in case you were too lazy to read the actual article on yahoo.com).

While the author does cite an instance that occurred several years ago, regarding a marriage that declined over one spouse's love for a video game. I can't believe for a second that this was something totally of the gamer's fault. Perhaps it's biased denial, but allow me to bring up some points throughout this article citing human nature. I also believe addiction is very real and prevalent especially in today's hectic times, where any distraction from reality is easily welcomed. However, as I alluded to before many of these ways are not effective in dealing with addicts.

1. Learn from the game
Games like World of Warcraft use classic behavioral control techniques: they tie small rewards very closely to repetitive chores. If your spouse is neglecting household tasks -- a common complaint among sufferers -- try employing a little positive reinforcement. The next time he empties the trash, play a loud 'Ding!' sound and tell him his Refuse-Disposal skill just increased.

Not only is that patronizing, it's also insultative. If anyone honestly did this to me, I would have to playfully but firmly hit them on the side of the head and state “I just leveled up my hand to hand combat stats.” I can only imagine upper-middle class suburban wives pulling this, since no other group of people could try something so declasse yet so pseudo tech savvy. It's almost like a soccer mom with an iPod.

2. Suggest a date at a video game movie
Just make sure it's a good one, because most of them are terrible. Resident Evil is a good choice, and assuming your spouse is male, the prospect of staring at Milla Jovovich for an hour and a half should certainly pique his interest. Don't let him sneak off to play his game once the movie is done, either: segue into a more intimate scenario before it ends, or you'll lose his attention.

I'll quote Josh Adachi from another article on this site in that “Hollywood does not trust the source material.” While staring at Milla Jovovich sounds tempting, I don't see how further distracting a man would help a woman's cause in this case. In fact, I'm led to believe if a guy is ousting his girlfriend for some game, it's probably because she doesn't attract him anymore. I don't mean to be presumptuous, but the girls who follow this are going to find themselves arguing with their man over: video game to movie continuity errors or their men staring at the female leads in the movie and not them.

3. Fake a power outage; cuddle up with candles and a board game
No matter how bad your addiction is, you can't play Warcraft with no electricity. Slip out to the junction box and flip the switch (after, of course, making sure any sensitive equipment is safely powered down). Your spouse will be devastated, but they'll be looking for something to keep their mind off the game. What better chance to propose lighting a few candles and playing a round of Scrabble?

This suggestion is utterly disturbing and down right disrespectful. As any capable man will go outside to try to remedy the problem and see that the fuse box has been tampered with. Or in the worse case scenario, will see that their neighbor's power is on and thus immediately realize the deception. This will lead to the man living out the rest of the relationship in resentment towards his partner with the feeling that his wife/girlfriend doesn't understand him.

[4 and 5 have been grouped since they're basically the same suggestion... One is for military and the other for fantasy styled games]

4. Put some game into your nighttime activities
If your spouse's gaming addiction is cutting into your bedroom time, think about how you might switch up your usual routine. If they're into military games like Call of Duty or Splinter Cell, uniforms aren't hard to find (nor are night-vision cameras, if you're game). But if they call you a "n00b," it might be time to think about kicking them to the curb.

5. Try a different kind of role-playing game
If you're having trouble distracting your husband from the game, surprise him with a treat. World of Warcraft is packed with sexy female characters (and, let's face it, most other video games). With a little effort in the wardrobe department, you can recapture his attentions by dressing up as a character from the game. We'd suggest a Night Elf as a good starting outfit. For bonus points, learn the character's corresponding dance moves.

This is honestly one of those suggestions I can’t really bash. I mean, aside from being really corny and somewhat lame; I really would have to give credit to anyone who’d try this. Albeit, they are going to get laughed at and called a “n00b” when they do. But it will be in a cute way and all in the name of love. Besides, if we can take being called a “nerd” in stride for liking video games as much as we do, then our non-gaming love interests should be able to take a light hearted insult as well. Sidenote: despite the fact I didn’t make fun of this point as hard as the others. I personally think having sex with the Master Chief or some sort of frost mage is kinda lame and somewhat creepy.

6. Get away from it all
Surprise your spouse with a weekend getaway to distract them from their addiction. Something that incorporates outdoor activities is best, because then he or she won't have the time or energy to miss their game. Try skiing, mountain biking, watersports, or fishing, or head for an action-packed hotspot like Vegas or New Orleans. Stay away from relaxing beach vacations, and for goodness sake, leave the laptop at home.

This may seem like a good idea on paper. But if someone’s going to spring a mini-vacation on me it had better not be catered to the other person (note: I didn’t say it should be catered to me) and they should be funding it. I would find it rather counter productive to force them into doing something inane for the weekend in hopes to “cure” them of some addiction, as if they’re the spotlight case in an episode of “Intervention.”

7. If you can't beat 'em...
If all else fails, it's time to consider extreme measures. Have you ever played the offending game yourself? Lots of couples play Warcraft (or similar online games) as a team, leveling up complementary characters and turning isolated and nonconstructive activities into good, old-fashioned quality time together. Most massively multiplayer games are deceptively easy to learn, and you'll have the benefit of an in-house expert to answer your questions in exhaustive detail. Just be careful not to start shirking familial duties yourself.

Extreme measures?! So taking time to figure out what your partner is interested in, and making an effort to experience it with them is considered extreme measures? If that’s the case, then I must have a really skewed view on marriage and dating. Though I guess in our world of political correctness it all makes sense. As trying to change a man in a relationship is almost a given, while asking his female partner to give or make a sacrifice is beyond out of the question.

Oddly enough, with all the lame suggestions that were on here I’m surprised “Take up a hobby that’s new to both of you” wasn’t offered. That one actually makes logical and relational sense as you’ll both essentially suck at whatever new task you’re trying, will be forced to learn and practice it together, and have that feeling of novel learning.

Either way, I found this article to be a terrible piece of claptrap that was less about gaming and more about being a “ball busting bitch.” As the underlying message wasn’t that “games are bad,” but rather “if there’s a deficiency in the relationship, women don’t need to change unless it’s the last resort/of extreme measures.”

Clarification/Background: Rob Whang is not going to lie, he’s a misogynist. However, he does feel that in a rear end collision everyone is at fault in some way, even the guy who got hit (and you can use this analogy on driving to reflect his views on relationships).

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